My world is getting closer and I could not remain at the level of metaphor metaphorical: my everyday life that, summarized, would see an obsessive repetition of the four walls that make up my room. Maybe that's why I want so much to the fact that they are clean and tidy? My love for a well-maintained living space - which in my case, means "without functional and decorative crap between his balls" - it makes every day more psychotic, but I could only notice it consistently in the House of Wolves, when I started to fix that too.
All Quiet on the Western Front for those up to a year and a half ago was admitted for half a personage highly misanthropic. Half , because the other was a beast onstage. Stay in Kiel made me reevaluate my love for social relations, making me discover a lot more social animal than believed - that is, giving to the causes of the conclusions drawn from the consequences, a person very sensitive to the human context.
Back in Italy I would, logically, be returned to the half-psychopathic misanthrope, a bit 'more misanthropic than before because of the comparison between Germany and Italy, but something else has changed, and is that is that since my return I feel my unconscious for a little thrill 'of social life. In short, I always happened. In my long life of isolation, disturbed - after a while 'time - by an inner voice screaming:
"Get out! Socialize! Excite the world while we're in!"
The little voice was silenced, and instead you are on nostalgia unresolved.
When the little voice that urged me to move my lazy ass mind of the undersigned, distracted, wandered in expectations - many, different, want to project, the desire to go to a certain type of environment, to meet a certain type of person, unbeaten in a certain kind of madness to an end - that most of the time were so satisfied, but at minimum wage. Kiel was in meal times to offer me a dream - that is, situations and people that I wanted to bring , and conditional dwell on that, that 'I , because every time - up to a year and a half ago - I let some expected to precede a return to my social life I knew, deep down, that I would have exactly what I wanted.
For this reason, perhaps, now instead of voice back nostalgia. It dates back to the music suddenly got up from Daf, go to the kitchen and finding in a 4-5 semi-strangers and beer ready for you. Ben
dates, which is imprinted in my head more than I expected. Ben is not a pretty boy for my royalties, and it is wonderful. I mean, if I take his face and evaluate how I can do (hello, physiognomy and the inability to enjoy a face without breaking it down) would draw anything not satisfactory, but I found it and I find it wonderful. It is imprinted on my retina surrounded with long blond hair, curly, that surround it, in the gloom of a morning on the way, smiling, looking at me from above with his hands resting on the wall. I had to photograph it, so - photos do not make it, if you show them, but they serve me.
There is a pure sweetness and moving related to Ben, and he probably does not matter. Nothing to do with either the facts that occurred that night, probably more like a porn at home and a romantic epic. But this is the beautiful creatures: to find the cake in the newspaper that was formed to be in the newspaper that it was not just size, but it just happened. The semi-
alle Terme Taurine God had something like that - and this something that is in me and not these two human beings, I miss her. I missed the first that I had - the Sehnsucht which stirred my expectations before leaving for Kiel, the same one that ended, unresolved, in what I wanted to write - but I never wrote, because it is uncomfortable with the ' author who tells what is transferred in without filter, without irony, without measure. View author's dissatisfaction - and creatures, my secret little secret is reluctant to dissatisfaction, mortal sin - how dare you, oh mortal, do not take advantage of what the world offers in meal?
For this reason, the few times that I've moved my lazy ass I did moments through which they are satisfied. Enjoy all the cost of doing so in cuts while. What is important is to have no regrets or remorse.
Paradoxically, my return to Italy she saw me become even more beast stage. V was reiterated happy and grateful for my picking up the microphone and then be presented to his impromptu birthday party. Someone tell her that I did out of boredom, which is the same reason that I do not know in social occasions to stand still in the same place for more than a minute - and the party was too many people sitting. I discussed with my VB histrionic nature (which is getting worse), which is more of a need for show - which assist or form, that counts? The important thing is that every time celebrating himself. For this reason, in my stay in Rome, I was often silent (weird, right? For VB is concerned): I found the people who were good to keep in front of the stage, and it was a pleasure to listen to.
Well, I do not need a pulpit if there is around a theater company Jesuit.
WikiWiki recites that:
To be diagnosed as a disorder [histrionic] must occur in a variety of contexts with the presence of at least five of the following symptoms:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5. style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and full of details
6. shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotions (There are emotions, uff )
7. is suggestible, ie easily influenced by others or circumstances (Only in the deep recess that the public will not see you ever )
8.
About point 2, please stop thinking of the same age of mine that there is the slightest mischief. You see, I'd love to play the game of seduction, but I have a basic problem: the way that I would not be such a seductive to the RDF (Reality of Fact) where I live, perhaps to some other space- time yes, but as I live I will not just in this, which means that actively act to be sensual, more or less attractive than the Pope could do it (in public - in private I do not know which side). Here, I'd rather be as solemn as the Pope, but obviously fail. I also thought seriously about to give me to improve my acting skills performing, but I realized that the problem is upstream: not what I do, but as the next law a priori certain gestures - in short, is always the same History: I wish I had the solemnity of the Pope, but I turn into a re-reading all the perversions associated with a nun. Also the usual speeches about gender , critters, not it? I also miss the good old days when I walked the streets of a city where people do not walk in a different way depending on the sex to which they belong. Boche these boring, is not it ? Strange that I do not get bored here and there.
About gender, I realized how much I conditions in the context of clothing a few days ago, when - having to go to friends' houses with VB among others - I put a skirt. A skirt. I do not have skirts in the closet, and in fact I frigate Mater.
The fact is that VB is another great beast of the stage, and with her I could enact the part of the crew in the skirt - that's because not even VB skirts abused, indeed, and that night seemed to be the modernized version of Zorro. Already I could see myself playing the part of the woman-speck that sits on the legs of Zorro, tasty scene. Scene , critters, because that role is a game, just a stupid game - and I found myself to realize, he explained, there is a reason why not wear skirts, apart from the fact that I do not know them (I forget to wear one and sit down, as my usual, with his legs wide open) and that the tights are uncomfortable (they break too easily and require limited movement - nah) I do not like the meanings they carry below. I love punk apparel options, but if clothed in that way the next interfaces to me in a way not practical for me. Remove the conditional and move to the: try, as I did, to dress punk and see how people react to you.
Now, I do not know how people react to a punk in Germany, I should try. I do not believe in Kiel a skirt owes much less to femininity than is done here, in fact. The solution lies at the root, the solution that explains why my clothes in Germany had been feminized, and is to be found in the connotations that are associated with femininity, and Kiel in these parts. I do not know exactly what they are, and maybe I'll never know, I just know that Kiel did not miss anything socially if I wore a skirt - which means that I did not miss anything if I brought in more socially to the idea of femininity.
Wear a skirt and then rub on the legs of a VB in some way back to a stable condition: the added value of femininity, with the paradigm of poor women in these parts there is rebalanced by the added value of lesbianism, which gives progressive touch that confusing - are strange, lesbians, maybe this here gonna catch me if I bludgeoned to an appreciation not required, because lesbians are in a little 'man .
It's silly to judge a priori by the way someone dresses, so that someone may have been decorated in this way their to experience - but things work well in Italy and Germany, the clothes make the monaco , as admitted by the Boche popular saying.
Now, I'd like to occasionally wear a skirt, but I do not want to remember to close your legs, be careful not to break the socks, to ward off unsolicited praise. Parry, I say, because there are appreciations which bring with them the vision that gave them birth - the retrograde vision of women as s'inciampa these parts (and, unfortunately, often correspond to real women who meet).
Remember, Kiel, another memorable scene, no longer in a nightclub in the company of a girl with beautiful eyes and whose gender would require pages and pages to an analysis. I would describe it by saying that he had the charm of the boy greek as described today, the strength and ease and grace that are in the genuineness of a body that looks after himself, and which by nature is fluid. Historically, this stereotype was born in describing male beauty, but the world is beautiful because it is varied and diverse especially when its members understand that sex and gender no match for nature, the gender is a role with to play to paint themselves - and that girl was beautiful, a beauty that those who can see me in only stereotypes of female beauty would not know understand. That girl was seductive, and on this occasion I also - drunk driving - I am committed to be, because at that moment I could put on a role that was not the one, hegemonic impostomi from these parts (the that does not mean that I did man, creatures - hold this vision for the Cathar limited minds).
happens sometimes when I try to explain to me in those stereotypes of woman who appreciates his own mind and that I have never been staged, I try to explain to that person (man, usually - but Starmie also women who want nice, but failed miserably) that did not fire in full. The person, if he is a man, sometimes reacts apologizing consternation - and I never understood what to apologize. He apologizes for having made me a compliment feminizing? He apologizes for giving me the woman? Why apologize for giving me the woman? What is the logic? In short, you apologize to someone if you gave him the son of a bitch or stupid - the category "woman" in Italian, which has in common with the sons of bitches and idiots?
The fact is that I broke your fucking talking about gender , which is equivalent to say that I broke her fucking that the gender in this space-time I create problems. I'd like to avoid it, really, but I have little filter, you vomit on the issues that the context vomits on me - it says that people with Histrionic Personality Disorder give excessive weight to the context, no?
do not hate you if I should reserve that compliments a Dita von Teese, really. Simply, I am to find that we live in different worlds, and that this difference makes communication difficult - and I dislike. How do I put the Pope on stage in the best of my performance if you see us anyway, surely, a Nun of Monza in the dress worn with lingerie lace? It's frustrating, you know?
Sigh.
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